“Mom, can you play with me?” my 5 year old blue eyed son asks as he looks up at me with expectation.  “Sure honey, just give me a few minutes,” I say as I finish up on the computer.  A few minutes never comes.   Later on that day, I hear my child’s plea to play with him again, when I’m standing in front of a hot stove, steam rising from three pans, the vent fan whirling and the microwave humming.  Again, I put him off.  “I must finish cooking dinner,” I say with a guilt ridden conscious, remembering his request earlier in the day.  Earlier, before the toilets needed cleaning, three loads of laundry needed sorted, washed, dried, folded and put away.  After dinner, while I’m paying bills, his request once again rings again in my ears.

How can I put him off like this?  The thing I’m finishing on the computer seemed important at the time.  However, in the scope of life, it is hugely insignificant, at least compared to the life of my child.  Cooking dinner is another story; of course it’s important.  The laundry and the toilets command my attention for the betterment of the entire family.  Right?    Balance is the key.  God, chores, family, me, sleep; usually in that order.

I yearned to be a stay at mom, more than anything in this world; it was my hearts’ greatest desire.  I became a mom for the first time at barely 38 and then again as my 39^th year was coming to an end.  My husband stayed home with our oldest, much to my extreme-jaw-clenching-daily jealousy.   When number two rolled around, my dream finally came true.   

Fast forward two years later:  I was a mess.  The dreams I had for myself were buried under laundry, diapers, snot and toys.   My brain had turned to mush.  This was not what I had envisioned. Being a stay at home mom was hard, lonely and where in the heck did my free time go?  This is the problem I struggle with today: my free time versus my children’s constant need to have mommy by their side. 

I know what I should do is play with my children.  This will develop and mold them, help them to feel loved and needed and give them a boost of self confidence.  However, my selfish personal needs demand some time to myself.  The battle going on inside of me is repulsive at times.   Why don’t I just quiet my self centered desires, sit down on the floor and play with the race cars? 

Then it hits me.  I realize it’s all temporary; the longing to be with me, the unconditional love, and the excitement….. just to play.   Pretty soon these kids will not want to spend time with me, so I must cherish it while I can.   God plants little reminders in my life constantly to pull me back to where I should be.  He gave me this awesome role as a parent and I will not take it lightly.  As I reconsider the bill paying, I put the check book down, place the envelopes back in the drawer and take advantage of this precious time we have together, now.  The “me” in the equation can wait just a few more years.  I will sacrifice my sleep for “me time”.  Balance is the key, but for now, the scales need to tilt heavily towards my children. 

“Yes,” I respond to his request.  His blue eyes light up and off we go to the land of make believe race cars where dinosaurs rule the land.