“Mom, can you pla y
with me?” my 5 year old blue eyed son asks as he looks up at me with expectation. “Sure honey, just give me a few minutes,” I
say as I finish up on the computer. A
few minutes never comes. Later on that
day, I hear my child’s plea to pla y
with him again, when I’m standing in front of a hot stove, steam rising from
three pans, the vent fan whirling and the microwave humming. Again, I put him off. “I must finish cooking dinner,” I say with a
guilt ridden conscious, remembering his request earlier in the day. Earlier, before the toilets needed cleaning,
three loads of la undry needed
sorted, washed, dried, folded and put away.
After dinner, while I’m paying bills, his request once again rings again
in my ears.
How can I put him off like this? The thing I’m finishing on the computer
seemed important at the time. However, in
the scope of life, it is hugely insignificant, at least compared to the life of
my child. Cooking dinner is another
story; of course it’s important. The la undry and the toilets command my attention for the
betterment of the entire family. Right? Bala nce is the key.
God, chores, family, me, sleep; usually in that order.
I yearned to be a stay at mom, more than anything in this
world; it was my hearts’ greatest desire.
I became a mom for the first time at barely 38 and then again as my 39th
year was coming to an end. My husband
stayed home with our oldest, much to my extreme-jaw-clenching-daily
jealousy. When number two rolled
around, my dream finally came true.
Fast forward two years la ter: I was a mess.
The dreams I had for myself were buried under la undry,
diapers, snot and toys. My brain had
turned to mush. This was not what I had
envisioned. Being a stay at home mom was hard, lonely and where in the heck did
my free time go? This is the problem I
struggle with today: my free time versus my children’s constant need to have
mommy by their side.
I know what I should do is pla y
with my children. This will develop and
mold them, help them to feel loved and needed and give them a boost of self
confidence. However, my selfish personal
needs demand some time to myself. The
battle going on inside of me is repulsive at times. Why don’t I just quiet my self centered
desires, sit down on the floor and pla y
with the race cars?
Then it hits me. I realize it’s all temporary; the longing
to be with me, the unconditional love, and the excitement….. just to pla y. Pretty soon these kids will not want to spend time
with me, so I must cherish it while I can.
God pla nts
little reminders in my life constantly to pull me back to where I should
be. He gave me this awesome role as a
parent and I will not take it lightly. As
I reconsider the bill paying, I put the check book down, pla ce the envelopes back in the drawer and take
advantage of this precious time we have together, now. The “me” in the equation can wait just a few
more years. I will sacrifice my sleep
for “me time”. Bala nce
is the key, but for now, the scales need to tilt heavily towards my children.
“Yes,” I respond to his request. His blue eyes light up and off we go to the la nd of make believe race cars where dinosaurs rule
the la nd.